my poems 2011

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El Nino Blues  / thai ta / January 2010

“…Time is all we’re asking for. ‘Cause only time can open closing doors…” / I like to be sad sometimes / Like now, driving in the rain, listening to / Random 80’s songs / Of longing & loneliness / Of heartache & heartbreak. /// I like 80’s beat / Easy on the ears, with just enough electronic twist / Out of the corner of my eyes, an image / I thought had been erased / Funny, funky storm! / Working its dark magic / See how it makes all those windshield wipers go! / Intermitten, slow, slow, fast, fast / They seem to be waiving to one another / “Hi there, out in the rain this late? ” / “Crazy much?” / “Lonely much?” /// I like to be sad sometimes / Once in a blue moon / (I like the imagery) / Blue moon… / “…Blue, blue, my world is blue. Blue is my world since I’m without you. Grey, grey…” / 60’s song, I think /// I am sad sometimes / And I don’t like rain / This rain / Cursed rain & cursed pain / “…And when the night is cold and dark / You can see, you can see light / ‘Cause no one can take away your right / To fight and to never surrender / To NEVER SURRENDER …er…” /// Or is it, “You can’t see light”? / Luckily, I’m only sad / Sometimes.

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FOUND  (a tribute to “Lost” series)  May 2010:    lives / intersecting / for a season / never ending / would you trade / a life of misery for a / minute of longing / to be there again / where you feel no more pain / strange! / how lovers meet / how they first kiss / and all the things that they miss / will soon be / found / again.

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“I am the Internet”, July 2010, by Thai Ta:   Before me / there was a void / The world was filled with / noises, voices, choices / that you couldn’t quite make sense of / I bring you access / I give you the key / I offer doors for you to open / I am 0′s and 1′s / I am your creation, your muse, your instrument / for the better of mankind / I am part of the elements now / like earth, fire, water, air / I am the glue that holds the world together / After me, will there be a void? / For now, embrace me / Use me well / For in my heart of hearts / of millions and billions minds connected / I yearn for peace / I am a peacemaker / I am the internet / And inside me live all your knowledge, your wisdom / All aspects of humanity / I am all 0′s and 1′s / I am a peacemaker / And I humbly ask to be nominated (chosen) / (for I love) to be 2010 Nobel Peace Prize winner!

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LIFE IN A DAY, by Thai Ta, July 24, 2010:   Is it brief? Is it fragile? / Is it destined? Or is it inconsequential? / Everyday we make a play / To please the gods who let us stay / Here for a while / But never long enough it seems / 24 hours, how many more until it ends / Our wonderful, or boring, or dissatisfied, or exciting / Life in a day.

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OVER / by Thai Ta, October 2010:   Yes, I’ve forgotten you / A thousand times over. / Sometimes, / I even forget your name! / And I would play the association game / to recall it. / How is it that a phantom / from a far gone past / Still haunts my mind? / Perhaps we didn’t have a proper goodbye / Or whatever we had didn’t die? / This much I know / That I have gotten over you / A thousand times already / (A million more, I suppose) / And this gravity deep in my heart / Makes me gasp for precious air. / This horrible pressure / of defending the guilty, / Stealing joy from another, / Protecting my last piece of… / Utter nonsense! / For in the end, / We will forget our own names / What good is it then / doing this over / and over, and over, / and…?

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DON’T DIE, MY LOVE / by Thai Ta, October 2010:    Don’t die, my love  /  Not when there’s so much in your future  /  All the colors, flavors,  /  all the adventures  /  and friendships to be made  /  Laughters to share  /  Joy, richness of living, loving, giving  /  And yes, other experiences less thrilling.  /  But I know  /  You can’t see them now.  /  Not when pain and shame have taken their toll  /  Not when you look around and feel so, so alone  /  Not when you’d rather not have a soul  /  ’cause when you’re nothing  /  at least you would feel nothing.  /  I know, my love  /  but listen  /  For those of us who survive  /  Out of anger, desperation, or sheer luck  /  For those of us who don’t give a f-ck  /  what people think or say about, or impose upon,  /  or laugh at, spit on, abuse or want to kill us  /  We are forever genetically altered  /  To have indestructible skin.  /  Yet deep within, our hearts can still break  /  As my heart breaks for you.  /  So hold on, my love  /  For one more night  /  For one more day  /  One more moment  /  And if you still want to die  /  Do this for me  /  Close your eyes  /  Think of all the darkness in your life  /  Whisper, (or shout at the top of your lungs)  /  “I die”  /  (Repeat for as long as you like.)  /  Then,  /  dearest love  /  Open your eyes  /  With your new heartbeats,  /  Do whatever you must.  /  With the knowledge that you’d already died,  /  Go free  /  And live another life.

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CHOOSE / Thai Ta, November 2010:   Everyday we choose / Every morning when we first open our eyes / The realization / that we’ve just left our dream world behind / to be here in this dimension / Floating somewhere in an immense universe. / No escaping, really / But the moment of realization is brief / And we dive anew into the flow of mechanical living / Questioning nothing / Preferring the soothing comfort / of blissful conditioning. / And what we lack / We fill up with junk, stuff / Like dark matter crowding out the void. / Yet, even in our own ignorance, / Everyday we choose / Our intention manifested everywhere / Reflected in everything and everyone around us. / Our station in life, / Status, worth, ties, or lack thereof, / Our self-awareness, unique yet part of the whole… something / A collective experience for some entity / (Or perhaps some dream of that entity) / Makes you wonder / Can we un-choose? / Can we undo / the dramedy that’s no longer… / Fun? / Funny? / Fun enough? / For even if the dreamers in our dreams can / Dream and choose their own unfathomable lives / If God godself let us truly choose / Wouldn’t we want to stop? / I would want to stop / And undo / E-VE-RY-THING! / Me, I choose.

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JUST BECAUSE / December 2010, by Thai Ta:   Just because it’s been raining / And Christmas is fast approaching / And I’m feeling a wee bit blue / Thinking of… / Do you know there’s an eclipse? / Total lunar eclipse, mind you / Tomorrow night / Right at the start of the winter solstice / Yes, it’s true / What strange coincidence! / And it will rain, and rain, and rain / For a whole week / At least that will keep the flowers fresh / For the Rose Parade / And just because the new year is coming / Before I start embracing / My refreshed, reinvented / Newly minted, what else? / Brightly shined, perfectly rhymed / Ever so blessed life / Again! / There’s just a tiny matter / That I want to get it over / Over and finally done with / A tiny thing I want you to know / That I still love you… / But only when it rains.

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The Next Chapter / Thai Ta, Happy New Year 2011:    And so we’ve come to another close / What a ride! What thrills, / What roads we chose / I don’t think we can top all that / But here goes / The next chapter. /// Would we be wiser this time / Or bolder and less cautious? / Would we laugh all the way through / Or suffer, / oh no don’t even think it / Everyone has to pay his/her dues. /// For this next chapter, let’s be true / To ourselves / And to those close / to our hearts, although / There’s something to be said for playing your parts / Honoring your contracts / Fulfilling your obligations / Conforming to towering institutions / Yet, just for fun / Should we stray / A little? /// Ah, my friend, for my next chapter / Hope the sky stays blue forever / Hope I travel, daydream, love, give, take, wonder… / Hope I experience more / Our complex world full of colors / Hope I find meaning in all that matters / In short, I wish me and you and us all / The absolutely freaking best / Next Chapter!

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What God Says / Thai Ta, January 2011

Do you know what God says? / I’m sure you’ve heard them before / Every imaginable versions in churches, holy places, TV, and stores / So I’ll throw in my two-cents, no more / For whatever God says, it must be so / Or whoever considered to be close / To an entity / Shrowded in ancient mystery / But God’s no stranger / To me.

But first, let me tell you what God doesn’t say / God doesn’t say kill in my name / God doesn’t say steal in my name / God doesn’t say blessed are the ones / Who throw the first stone / God doesn’t say you are my slave – / You deaf, blind, mute, dumb / Too brainwashed to have a mind of your own / God doesn’t say hate, scheme, / Conquer, convert, / Rape, torture, coerce, / Follow the leaders, question nothing, / Keep on marching toward your illusion / of a glorious salvation!

God doesn’t say you must love me / All these faces! All these faces… / You have deluded yourselves into / Believing someone’s version of Heaven and Hell / And you’ve scared yourselves into becoming / Something… less / Less than what God first imagined. / Is it possible that you prefer / Your own designed prison / Over God’s divine freedom?

This is what I hear God says / Love yourself / Respect yourself / Love others / Respect their rights / Don’t do anything for me / NEVER make anyone do anything for me / And my friends, this last part is what I feel / Where all of us have gone wrong at one time or another / This part, God only whispers, / “Please love me. Just as you are. / ‘Cause I’ve always loved you. Just as I am. / Can’t you hear me calling your name?”

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New World Order / Thai Ta, January 2011:    Keep them fat  /  Keep them dumb  /  Feed them propagandas  /  Drug them numb  /  Keep them entertained  /  Or else they’ll question.  /  Give them their arenas  /  Mesmerize them with stars  /  And singing, dancing,   /  happy, happy,  /  gaming, drinking,  /  happy, happy,   /  sports, toys, raves…  /  Or else  /  They’ll start to think!  /  We who rule in shadows  /  Are ready for a take over  /  Come one, come all  /  Welcome to your New World Order.  /  Keep them blind  /  Twist their mind  /  Keep them fighting  /  Hide the strings.  /  Left, right, black, white,   /  gay, straight, love, hate,  /  churches, armies, ideologies,  /  Fund them all  /  Bet all, win all!  /  Destroy families  /  Erase countries  /  Yes, print more money!  /  Weigh them down with debts  /  Turn them into addicts  /  Yes, crimes pay.  For us!  /  Give them some hope, joy now and then  /  A gilded cage is still a prison.  /  We are gods of old  /  We are secrets untold  /  We’ve always been patient  /  Some think we might be descendants  /  Of ancient royal Egyptians  /  But are we…  /  Aliens? LOL  /  See, we’re not without humor  /  And we’re not without concern  /  But we must feed  /  And you must learn.  /  There’s a place for you yet in our new world  /  Provided you be good little slaves  /  We’ll let you work, play, pray  /  And after we have sucked you dry  /  We’ll even let you die.

Tân Giới Luật, thơ Tạ Thái, 2011:    Để chúng nó mập, để chúng nó ngu.  Tuyên truyền chúng, thuốc cho chúng tê đi giác cảm.  Cho chúng giải trí, không thì chúng nó sẽ thắc mắc.  Cho chúng những sân vận động.  Mê hoặc chúng với những minh tinh.  Và hát xướng, nhảy múa.  Vui lên, vui lên.  Chơi game, nhậu nhẹt.  Vui lên, vui lên.  Thể thao, đồ chơi, raves…  Còn không, chúng nó sẽ bắt đầu suy nghĩ!  Chúng ta cai trị trong bóng tối, sẵn sàng chiếm tất cả.  Tới đây, mọi người.  Chào đón Tân Giới Luật của các ngươi. ///  Giữ chúng mù lòa, uốn nắn trí tuệ.  Để chúng nó đánh nhau, dựt giây thì giấu kín.  Trái, phải, đen, trắng, gay, thẳng, yêu, ghét, nhà thờ, quân đội, chủ nghĩa.  Phe nào cũng ủng hộ.  Đánh cuộc tất cả, thắng cuộc tất cả!  Phá nát gia đình chúng, xóa tan đất nước chúng.  Đúng, in tiền nhiều đi!  Đè bẹp chúng nó bằng nợ nần, biến chúng thành những con nghiện.  Phải, làm ác hưởng lợi, cho mình!  Còn chúng nó thì cho tí hy vọng, niềm vui, thỉnh thoảng.  Cái lồng vàng thì vẫn là ngục tù. ///  Chúng ta là chúa tể từ xa xưa, là những bí mật không nói ra.  Chúng ta lúc nào cũng kiên nhẫn.  Có người cho chúng ta là con cháu vương giả Ai Cập thời thượng.  Nhưng còn chuyện đồn chúng ta là dân hành tinh? LOL.  Thấy chưa, ta đâu có phải không biết hài, và không biết quan tâm.  Nhưng chúng ta phải ăn, và các ngươi phải học.  Cũng có chỗ cho ngươi trong thế giới mới.  Nhưng mà các ngươi phải ngoan ngoãn làm nô lệ.  Ta sẽ để cho ngươi làm việc, giải trí, cầu nguyện.  Và sau khi ta hút cạn các ngươi rồi.  Không chừng chúng ta sẽ cho các ngươi được chết.

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The Winged Sun – a poem by Thai Ta, May 2011:   The winged sun is coming / The world we know is ending / Come, come, my love / Much is unfolding. /// We’ve lived, haven’t we? / We’ve struggled to be free / Now, time to rest / To fade into history. /// No more regrets to pain us / No more choices to tempt us / Time to welcome the winged sun / Time for the matrix to come undone. /// Perhaps, one tiny matter / Hurry! Before we all scatter / A grateful prayer for love / And a kiss, / To end forever. ///

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The Alien Within – Thai Ta, June 2011:    Do you know your alien within? / Have you met your enlightened twin? / Open the door to alternative worlds / Welcome to nirvana, step right in. /// Adjust your vibration accordingly / See with new eyes, but discriminatingly / Play with heightened senses, ask: / “Is this not reality?” /// Or is it a simulation / Designed to sensitize the artificial, / The mechanical, chemical void of a robot / That’s ignorant of the intricate plot? /// There must be a time when feelings were first created / A place where we all stood equal, or at least equally naked / And thoughts (or programs) humming, around, afar… / “Do we know who we really are?”

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Heartache / Thai Ta, June 2011:   Heartache, I know you / You look a little older this time, mellower / I dig that rocker, biker look / How do I look to you, I wonder / Since last we saw each other? / I’ve done some travelling / Seeing amazing things / Crossing oceans to many shores / Still dreaming, living / Wanting more. /// Once in a while, like a favorite song / You catch by chance while driving / Or a familiar wave of emotion / A sweet, faint smell, a longing / You appear gently by my side / And you whisper, “Remember me?” / Teasingly, I think / “Yes, heartache, I remember you.” / “You look good,” I smile / “You look way too good” / You smile. /// We’ve been friends forever / Since I was a child / I remember being around 8 or 9 / Meeting you for the first time / You were kind to me then / And you turned me into your tiny poet / Oh God, remember the ancient ink pens / That you dip in messy little ink bottles? / And the blotting papers too? / How I hated the purple stains / All over my tiny poet’s fingers / No matter how hard I tried / The stains / Foreshadowing my tiny poet’s life. /// In a weird way, I suppose I’ve missed you / My happy poems don’t sound quite as good / My sunny songs / Not entertaining quite as much / Sometimes I have to fake them all, happy or sad, sunny or cloudy (gasp!) / “Cause inside, I am at peace / Calm, content / Grateful… / Grateful dead? /// Not sure, my friend, but hey, good seeing you / My always special, forever faithful, the one and only heartache / Go on, now, go see your other friends / I love you / Until we meet again.

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Perspectives  /  Thai Ta, June 2011:    When you look around  /  And all you see is what you don’t want to see  /  Look up!  /  Close your eyes  /  Look inside.  ///  Why is it that we are here?  /  Why is it that millions and millions years /  Of evolution or intelligent design  /  Or God knows what it was that happened  /  Have led us here?  /  And so here we breathe, we breed,  /  We love, we dance, we kiss,  /  We suffer, we go about our life,  /  We drink, we eat,  /  We want, we yearn, we need,  /  Randomly, absent-mindedly.  /  We give, we take,  /  We emote, we fake,  /  We’re human, so we make mistakes.  ///  Now and then we look around  /  And all we see is …  /  Neglect.  Disconnect.  /  Pain.  Dark.  Alienation.  /  Look down!  /  Open your eyes  /  Sympathize.  ///  Oh my friends, I know God is real  /  Thanks to God, I feel!  /  Thanks to God, I heal  /  And God’s love is free  /  And so are perspectives.  ///

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If I Die Today /  Thai Ta, June 2011:    If I die today, I would be…  /  Pissed!  /  Should have gone on that dream European trip  /  Should have learned Spanish  /  And fall in love with an anti-globalist  /  Or at least kiss an anarchist  /  Come to think of it  /  Should have pursued my fetish  /  Involving prisoners and the police  /  And max out my credit cards  /  Spend all my money  /  After I give 10, no, 20 percent to charities.  ///  Oh dear, if I die today,  /  Who’ll take care of Mommy?  /  (If she dies today, I’ll have no family.)  /  Should have hooked up with someone  /  Anyone!  /  So they’ll cry when I’m buried  /  No wait, better cremate me  /  And scatter my ashes in the desert  /  So I could watch the stars at night.  ///  If I die today  /  I would miss so much!  /  There’s no chocolate ice cream in Heaven  /  No summer blockbusters, no talent shows  /  Hell might be interesting  /  Crisp pizzas year round, I suppose  /  And naughty demons popping about.  ///  But seriously, if I die today  /  I would be…  /  Blessed  /  For having lived the life I’ve led  /  And having known the souls I’ve met  /  And I’ll go on to other realms  /  Something’s changed  /  Something’s the same  /  (A rose, by any other name)  /  If I die, (died?), today  /  Thank you all  /  Goodbye.  ///

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Déjà-Vu / Thai Ta, September 2011:    A glance  /  Briefer than  /  A flicker of sunlight  /  Turning into rainbow flashes  /  Did we dance  /  All night?  /  Did we forget, or remember  /  To say our goodbye?  /  Or did we stay?  /  A moment frozen in time  /  Where nothing matters  /  Not even our conscience, obligations to others  /  A madness  /  Coming ’round  /  A fever  /  Target, found  /  And we burn anew  /  A déjà-vu  /  A familiar pain  /  Oh yes, we had chosen  /  A sensible, logical end  /  But now and again  /  We truly, blindly, foolishly  /  Fall  /  Fall!  /  For a love  /  Briefer than  /  A glance.  ///

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What Would Jesus Do? /  Thai Ta, September 2011:    What would Jesus do?  /  I honestly don’t know  /  Did he even live  /  A long, long time ago?  /  Who would Jesus kill?  /  A Hindu, a Muslim, a Jew?  /  Would he erase all humanity  /  Saved for a precious few?  /  How would Jesus feel?  /  Can he be artificially real?  /  Can he turn men into robots,  /  Or vice versa, or not?  /  Can he love the fallen angels?  /  Can he solve all our troubles?  /  Can he be a solitary god?  /  Can he tell his followers to shove off?  /  Oh Jesus!  Oh Christ!  Oh Christmas!  /  Oh sufferings!  Oh lies!  (But I love Santa Claus!)  /  What would Jesus say, would he confess  /  The sins of the father, the son, and the rest?  /  What would Jesus do?  /  Between me and you  /  Maybe it’s too late  /  What could Jesus do!  /  Should we start over?  /  So, what do we know?  /  Let’s sit down, let’s talk  /  And start a brand new show!  ///

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No More /  Thai Ta, October 2011:    You don’t hear me anymore  /  My words float in the air, disappearing  /  And you pick and choose certain strands  /  To weave them into a hateful web  /  And here we stand  /  Together.  Apart.  ///  You can’t see me anymore  /  Partly my fault, I suppose  /  ‘Cause somewhere back I had changed for you  /  So much so that I can’t see me  anymore  /  And the love we’ve shared expands, contracts  /  And flips over to a foreign place  /  Of coldness and indifference.  ///  I don’t want you anymore  /  I won’t miss you any less, of course  /  We’ve been fused together for so long  /  And now the painful separation  /  A surgery that’s half voodoo half logic  /  Yet, as I look up  /  Beyond the sky, toward the Infinite  /  I understand  /  It’s only natural to let go, let God.  ///  And I say to you once more  /  The words you cannot hear  /  Not now, not yet  /  I thank you for the colors of my life  /  But there’s a song I’ve not yet sung  /  And corners I’ve not yet turned…  /  You walk away.  In silence  /  I can’t feel you anymore.  ///

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Of You  /  Thai Ta, October 2012:    I am the sorrow of you  /  I am the nakedness underneath your costume  /  Your skin and bones  /  Your DNAs, your atoms  /  And even that something else far beyond  /  That vibrates whenever you think of,  /  Speak of, dream of, sing of  /  A love  /  A name  /  Perhaps an image  /  Too fast to analyze, who, what, why?  /  A phantom memory  /  A prophetic vision  /  I am the reason of you  /  The freedom (or is it the prison) of you  /  “Let go of my Eggo”  /  Let go of your ego  /  I am the mirror of you  /  The theater of you  /  So step in the spotlight  /  Get over your stage fright  /  For God’s sake, smile!  /  Play till the end  /  With the essence of me and  /  The joy of you.

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Watching “Young Goethe in Love”  /  Thai Ta, March 2013:    in another life  /  I will love you  /  tenderly  /  as the early morning’s sigh  /  upon the fragile dew  ///  do we need words  /  to build our theater of dreams?  /  where scene after scene  /  something ethereal  /  has revealed itself to be  /  almost solid  ///  like a touch  /  a kiss  /  at times ghostly  /  a warm vibration  /  somewhere near our hearts  /  but not quite  ///  maybe in another region  /  another realm  /  another time  /  had I loved you, I wonder  /  in another life?

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Breath  /  Thai Ta, March 2013:    A part of me still aches  /  Whenever I think of you  /  Not too often, for our sakes  /  We both chose not to choose.  ///  Strange how the heart wants  /  What it refuses to accept  /  And we’re too late for the dance  /  The last guest had left.  ///  Maybe it’s just old age  /  But whenever I think of you  /  Your smile, your voice, hands, face…  /  Seem to have faded from view.  ///  Will you remember me?  /  Will you forget?  Forgive?  /  Strange how the heart could ache  /  Even when the breath had ceased.

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Spring Cleaning  /  Thai Ta, April 2013:     dried bodhi tree leaves  /  crisp as potato chips  /  ready to be swept away  /  like unwanted memories  /  santa ana winds  /  spring cleaning  /  time to put away  /  childish things.

Dọn dẹp mùa xuân:    lá bồ đề khô  /  dòn như potato chips  /  sửa soạn được quét đi  /  như kỷ niệm không muốn giữ  /  gió santa ana  /  dọn dẹp mùa xuân  /  tới lúc cất đi  /  những gì ấu trĩ.  /  Tạ Thái, tháng 4, 2013

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COFFEE  /  Thai Ta, November 2007

words  /  gathering  /  words  / scattering  / in between  /  laughter  /  and long after  / the coffee taste  / of memories.

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BITE ME  /  Thai Ta, December 2007

Like me? Buy me  /  Take me home  /  Then you can  / Dice me, slice me  / Splice me, spice me  / Too complicated?  /  Bored?  / You can “ice” me.

Hire me, fire me  /  If I had the power,  /  You could bribe me  /  I’m easy, y’see  /  I’ll let you guide me.

Lie to me  /  Lie next to me  /  Wanna get high?  /  Fine by me  /  Sigh with me  /  Fly with me  /  Think I don’t get you?  / Try me.

Maybe I’m a bit dry?  / Moisturize me  /  Old-fashioned?  /  Modernize me  / Coyote ugly? / Beautify me  /  You think I’m fucked up? / Bite me!

Deny me, defile me /  If you have a dictionary,  /  I’ll let you define me  / But before you can do all that  / Or some or none of the above  /  Find me.

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WORDLESS TRUTH  /  Thai Ta, April 2008

And so you’ve come to me at last  /  not while I was still hurt, humiliated, confused, angry  /  not while I kept jumping back and forth  / future, present, past.

You’ve come to me  /  no apology, no poetry /  it was one of those moments when words are unnecessary  / indeed, detrimental  /  to both those who gives and receives.  /  Wordless truth (I heard that term somewhere)  /  wordless truth coupled with /  perfect timing.

There you were pressing your lips against mine  /  no french kiss, mind you / strange that it’s not a french kiss,  /  and strange that the pressure feels… / real and surreal.

Then you kissed the top of my head /  like I was a child  /  I felt the warmth, moisture of your kiss  /  a wet sunlight  /  Wordless truth  / perfect timing  / perfect ending  / to our story at last.

At last I woke up /  it was one of those moments  / when you feel disoriented  / a bit lost  / a lot blessed  /  could’ve been a nightmare  / could’ve been a wet dream  / or a visitation from an angel / but thankfully, magically,  / it was simply  /  a gift.

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ONCE AGAIN  /  Thai Ta, April 2008

Come fall with me / Once again / Let the fire consume us / Till we end / Let’s turn into stuff of tragic comedy / (Comic tragedy?) / An urban legend / A modern version of Cinderella / Where nothing fits, not even her glass slipper / Yet when they kiss / When we kiss / How our lips fit! / How our hearts break! / In sweetest silence.

Come fall with me / Let’s die, like Juliet and her foolish Romeo / We know how this must end / Where nothing fits nowhere, no how / But when we make love / Our sweat thick / Our souls burn till we cry out / And our tears mix / Who will say it first this time, I wonder  / “I love you” / “Goodbye” / Or “Until we meet…” / “…Once again.”

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MEDITATION ON A LOST LOVE  /  Thai Ta, September 2008

The road not taken / Words that should have said / Intentions mistaken / Pleasure dearly paid. / Days gone, nights passed / Hope dashed, faith renewed / Identity masked / Perception askew. / Don’t wanna get hurt / Don’t know nothing much / Not sure if you care / Not sure if I dare. / Strange that we had met / Two bodies, two souls / No, not quite done yet / Not till kingdom come. / A late summer breeze… / I’m feeling you now / Near, so near to me / No more pain, nor doubt. / And we stand naked / Two starfreaks giggling / Here we are at last / Let the angels sing! / Corners not turned / Chances we didn’t take  /  Play nice, play cruel  /  An original, a fake?  /  Love lost, love found  /  Love that never comes around  /  Hm, I wonder  /  How long does true love linger?

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FRACTAL LOVE  /  Thai Ta, November 2008

I love you one second / I love you forever / I love you now / I love you never / From twisting corners of my heart / To beaming twisters of your eyes / Deep down one singular part / Spread out all fractal desires / Dear one, you loved me from the start / Fear none, I’ll love you till the end / Everything goes round, round, round / And all thoughts, colors, sounds… / Big, small / Endless, finite / Imbued / Branching / Rearranging / Can you see my shape? / Do you sense your own / Beauty of randomness / Even in love / Or loving / Alone?

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I WISH  /  Thai Ta, June 2009

I wish you hadn’t broken my heart / I wish we hadn’t stayed apart / I wish that summer never ended / I wish you didn’t love me as you did. / ‘Cause the world we live in is still cruel / And each day we die a little / But something sacred in us remains / And it cries out toward Heaven. / No! No! Let me be / Set me free from all this darkness. Sadness / No! No! Let me see / That part of me that’s never stolen. Taken. / I wish I hadn’t broken your heart / I wish we didn’t have to play our parts / I wish for endings like in movies / I wish more seasons for you and me.

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SPLIT  (Thai Ta / April 2010)

Can it really be this easy / Split / Like turning on, off / a light switch / One second before, / illumination / Then “abracadabra”, / yucky, ugly pit / Shit… / If I had known / Didn’t see it coming, did you now / Stupid / no, / STUPID! / Can it be this final / Split / You go your way, I go mine / Hope you get what you deserve / (son of a) Bitch! / Calm down, calm down / Low blow or high road?/ Breathe, breathe / Choose now / in, out / Breathe in, breathe AUM / Ommmmmm / Seems to be working…ing…ing…ing… / Not! / Split / So it has come to this / Thanks for the laughter / Wish I had a script / ’cause I don’t know what to say / How – Why – What – How in the… / All that I feel inside / Except, maybe… / No, too late.  Too tired. / Time to mourn / Time to grieve / And in time, heal / You’ll heal / I’ll heal / So. / Did it , I mean, did us, we begin with a smile, / A handshake / Hey, how are you, nice to… / Shouldn’t we end with / More or less the same / hey / nice to… / best to… / have to… / no other way around / no easy way about / Split. / File-email-cell-vids-pics / delete-delete-delete-delete-delete / de-Skype, de-facebook, de-myspace, de-YouTube / cancel these, trash those, / de-Twitter / Do I want a memento? / Time to split / final check / “click.”

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