Love essays

THE BIOLOGY AND CHEMISTRY OF LOVE / school paper by Thai Ta, May 2007

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Love is a complex human phenomenon, too complex to be attributed to just a single feature. For this paper, I will focus on the biology and chemistry of love and elaborate on the implications that this approach might have on our view of relationships.

It is safe to say that your heart does not do the loving. Your heart might beat faster, “skip a beat” or feel heavy when you experience love. But whether you feel giddy with a brand new romance, dizzy like “falling in love”, inflamed in the hot white heat of passion, or light as though being lifted up by the “wings of love”, it’s all in the brain. Our triune brain basically has three parts. The inner core, or the reptilian brain, is responsible for basic survival-mode functions. This is where territorial aggression, the mating drive, our worrying, etc. originate. The limbic brain allows us to care for our young, dream and play. It has more emotionality, and fear is the oldest emotion. This is also the seat of our subconscious mind. The outer part of the brain is the neocortex — the most recent evolutionary feature of homo sapiens some tens of thousands of years ago. We speak, write, reason, plan, ponder abstract ideas such as love, God, eternity, etc. with this part of our brain. Our senses, self-awareness, our will, self-control are all parts of the neocortex.

Men and women have different brain structures, even before we are born. There is a marked difference between the male and female hypothalamus due to the presence or absence of testosterone during prenatal differentiation. This is crucial for later development during puberty, when girls get their menstrual cycle and boys start “being boys” with their raging sex hormones. There are many studies that credit the difference in male and female sexual behaviors to the hypothalamus. Men and women also have different hemispheric structures, where men tend to be more left-brained.

“We are not thinking machines. We are feeling machines that think” (PBS program, The Secret Life of the Brain). We might regard emotions and thoughts as two separate things, but we would be mistaken. When something triggers an emotion, we first experience it in the almond-shaped amygdala. The amygdala does not act alone, however. Over millions of years, our brain has created specific neural pathways for each and every emotions we have. When brain-mapped, we can see the activities in certain areas of the brain correspond with certain emotions, and all can happen within milli-seconds. We should also make a distinction between the creation of an emotion and the feeling or awareness of that emotion. An emotion can be created in the brain, but if the neural pathway is interrupted due to stroke, brain tumors, etc., we can’t experience it. So the next time someone says, “I don’t have any feelings for you,” don’t be too sure. He just might have a few dead brain cells instead!

That takes us to a brief discussion of the chemistry of the brain. Endorphins are morphine-like neurotransmitters that soothe us, give us a sense of pleasure, security, tranquility, and peace. Cortisone is the bad chemical that is released whenever we feel so stressed out. Serotonin is responsible for mood, and if it’s blocked or decreased, you better start taking Prozac. The euphoria we often feel when love is brand new and the object of our affection has not turned into What-did-I-ever-see-in-you? can be attributed to three chemicals: norepinephrine, dopamine, and especially phenylethylamine. Incidentally, these three neurotransmitters produce amphetamine-like effects. Can you get hooked on love? On love chemicals, absolutely. When love is no longer there, or when the effect of passionate love wears off, we go into withdrawal, not unlike drug withdrawal. Why aren’t there rehab centers for love victims, I wonder.

Question: Does a biological explanation of love and relationship make them less or more meaningful in any way? I would say less in some ways and more in others. First of all, you cannot use only the biological explanation to explain love and relationships. Relationships require more than just you, and whenever two or more people are concerned, you have the essence of culture. Consequently, a cultural approach is required. An example is arranged marriages. Take two complete strangers who have never met one another prior to their wedding day in Japan, put them together with all the expectations of their families, society, tradition, so on and so forth, mix them up a few good years, they might actually learn to love one another with deep devotion if not passion. Culture plays a more important role than biology in this scenario.

Let’s imagine a person who hears the voice of God or have visions of God, and because of that, she completely devotes her life to Him, and does a whole lot of good for mankind before she dies — with a beatific smile on her face. She finds solace and ecstasy in her daily humble existence, clinging to these voices and visions. Yet, they are the results of mild and episodic seizures that affect her hearing and produce hallucinations. I would venture to say that her relationships to God and fellow human beings are richer and more meaningful because of the biological explanation. Without the voices and visions, she would not become a saint. Her sense of purpose and self, though formed from a faulty basis, is still meaningful to her and the people around her.

What if one day science could prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that God does not exist and it’s all our imagination, due to some biological factor hidden in our brain or our DNA. To put it another way, we are programmed to biologically believe in God (via evolution or alien beings). So, would that make our relationship to God less or more meaningful? I’d say even more. Look at how many Gods we have come up with so far. All the intricate stories of God, all the beautiful designs of churches, temples, mosques, and all the colorful, musical, fantastical ways that we worship — a fake God is still worth it. Then again, if somehow the world is destroyed due to our different takes on God and what God tells us to do, tough luck! We can look at it objectively as a self-destruct device installed in our species. It is only natural, the cycle of life and death. Everything breaks down in the end, then renews somehow. Somewhere.

I sometimes have lucid dreams of love and lovers so real and sweet that when I wake up, I feel a bit sad. Logically, I know that they can be some sort of manifestations sprung from my subconscious mind or composites of what I have seen or read in real life. I don’t try to find meanings in them too much but simply appreciate them for what they are. It’s all in my brain. The body will act to maintain its equilibrium by whatever means.

I like the expression “Love is an illusion.” Or is it Life? Death? Anyhow, I believe that our thoughts and emotions are complex human experiences and expressions. As for meanings, they can be justifications or excuses. Sometimes, love is random. We love or hate for no apparent reason. One day you wake up and love is no longer there. How do you explain it? Relationships are dynamic, and just like everything else in nature, there’s an expiration date. So, if I say, “It’s all in the brain.” Does it sound like a justification or an excuse?

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An Essay on LOVE THROUGH THE AGES / school paper, by Thai Ta, May 2007

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Love has evolved through the ages. The relationships between the individuals and between man and God also have changed with time. Today, it would seem that in the Western world, there is a certain freedom when it comes to love, marriage, the worshiping of God or not having anything to do with love, marriage or God at all. There are varying degrees of acceptance of other lifestyles. With the help of the media and the internet, one can get exposed to all kinds of ideas, ideologies, propaganda, information, etc. Yet, something remains unchanged. The human species still yearns for something outside of the physical body, be it another person, another universe, a god, a love, or a connection that unites the self with the rest of whatever is out there. With this yearning come the struggles between individuals, the sexes, religions, and generations.

In the ancient world, the Egyptians were very open-minded about sex and sexuality. You could literally make love to a goddess. The belief was that once the priestess of a certain goddess (e.g., Isis) was possessed by her during a ceremony, any man who made love to the priestess would also be blessed by her holiness. The Greeks encouraged homosexuality. A man was thought to have female and male forces in him, and a balance — acquired by having sex with females, usually prostitutes, and males, usually young boys — was the ideal. With the Romans, homosexuality was tolerated, but not in public, and later on it was criminalized. Women did not have the same freedom like men. Monogamy was highly regarded. The Romans wanted to be sure who fathered whom, since Roman citizenship was considered very prestigious. For the upper class, marriage was used to consolidate properties. On the whole, women in the ancient world were seen as a wild force of nature that must be kept under control, or as a fertile field to be plowed and planted.

During the medieval time, women were regarded either as Eve, a source of temptation, or Mary, the redeeming counterpart who remained a virgin before, during and after the birth of Jesus Christ. Men sought to serve women, but the courtly love was more of an asexual nature. Courtly love derived from the exotic harems that the Crusaders came in contact with. Even though with courtly love, you were not supposed to consummate the relationship, people did. If sons were born, the indiscreet affairs would be more tolerated by society. Women became adept at playing the power game, though never officially. Troubadours celebrated tales of romantic love and encouraged love between men and women. This did not sit well with the Mother Church, however, because you were supposed to love God and God alone. Women often fasted to conquer their desire. To some, this fasting would cause their cycle to stop, and they would equate that with God’s transforming their body. God was the main focus and control. Yet, since God was so immense and unfathomable, the people had to go through priests or pray to Mary or a variety of saints in order to reach God. Early saints posed a problem to the Church because they embraced the God in everyone while the Church was of the One God. It echoed pantheism of the ancient world.

After the Renaissance, the first Great Awakening (1730s — 1740s) and the second Great Awakening (1790s — 1840s) did little to improve women’s status. There was a more positive reflection of the female body in art and fashion, with bosoms proudly put on display and robust figures in vogue. But even this was a mirror of the past, where women were viewed as fertile land to be cultivated. Indeed, according to Diane Ackerman (1994) “High fertility was such an important feature in a future bride that a woman was sometimes encouraged to conceive before marriage, just to prove that she could before being linked to a man’s estate” ( A Natural History of Love, p. 69). Marriage was thus still considered a business contract.

The Reformers Martin Luther and John Calvin wanted to bring Christianity back to its purity. They saw many of the rituals associated with the church as obstacles to true communion with God. The basic principles of the Reformation brought individualism into Christianity. Faith did not mean accepting a series of doctrinal truths but rather finding its justification through the Word, the scripture. The Medieval Church saw the priest as the ritual and spiritual leader. The Reformers argued that each person was a priest, capable of offering worship to God. To them, their church is a place where common worshipers gathered and shared the Word. The sacrament, which was the most essential feature in the Catholic Church, came in second. With this emphasis on the Word came the need to spread the Word. Yet, the Lutherans still believed that Jesus was present in the sacrament — a divine humanity. Their devotion centered on human feelings of closeness to God. The Calvinists were a bit more extreme and austere. Their churches were unadorned. God was removed from whatever natural or human. The scripture was the sole focus, and everything else such as hymns, prayers, sermons, etc. must be in service of learning the scripture. The senses were not important; only the clear mind to learn the words of God was. Calvinism gave rise to what we now call “work ethic” in America. Work ethic puts the emphasis on actions, just like the Calvinists put the emphasis on good deeds and not faith.

The Victorian age was paradoxical. On one hand, romanticism and courtly love came back in style, meaning you’re not supposed to have sex, and love is a sterile kind of love. On the other, prostitution exploded like never before. Women were kept within and idealized in the realm of domesticity. They could not do or say anything that might be deemed flirtatious, suggestive, or provocative. The designs of architecture, even furniture, suffered the same fate. Curiously enough, the Victorian model of domestic heaven persists even today.

The nuclear model of a family was definitely the ideal in the 1940s, 1950s. The domestic goddess must dress impeccably, cooked delicious meals for her husband and children, did all the household chores and never complained. She was likely married out of love, unlike her Victorian counterpart. In fact, the industrialization ushered in a new era for women, regarding love and marriage. Before that, tied to their farms, women and men were not able to marry whomever they wanted or loved. When factories rose up across the land, they started to travel to where the jobs were available and settled wherever they liked. In the 60s, this freedom to love was part of a cultural movement, pushed to its limits. Women could vote by now, but there were still other social issues to spark one revolution after another. Slowly, women were becoming equal with men, in their relationship, and at work. The gender roles are less clearly defined now as in the past. Yet, when it comes to love and marriage, men are still expected to “pop the question”, most women still take their husbands’ family names — Mrs. means the property of Mr. — and double-standards still apply. Although, new vocabularies like “manwhore” or “himbo” offer some hope of true equality between the sexes in the future.

In her book, A Natural History of Love, Diane Ackerman offered a fascinating look at the symbols of love, particularly of wedding. The “best man” represents a warrior friend employed to capture the bride. The word “wed” has its Anglo-Saxon root that also means to purchase, or to gamble. The “honeymoon” can be interpreted as the time when the groom hides the bride away from her family to impregnate her. Rings or circles symbolize eternity. The ring finger was thought (wrongly) to have nerves connecting it to the heart. White means death in China and Japan, and the bride wears white to signify a symbolic death. Western brides wear white because white means purity. That custom started when Anne of Brittany wore white, for no particular reason, in 1499 when she married Louis XII of France. Blue means purity in ancient time, so the bride wears “something blue”. The veil is meant to hide the bride’s beauty, for various reasons. She may be her husband’s property, so only he can unveil her. She may try not to arouse her husband too much because sex is for procreation only. Or she may try to tempt other men with her beauty, so it’s best to cover it. Today, symbols of love can be found in music, food, art, fashion, poetry, dance, anything and anywhere that you can think of. Love is very well-manufactured, packaged, sold to the consuming public. Can you put a price on love? Absolutely. Not.

When today’s single women proclaim that they are complete and completely happy by themselves, that thinking might have its root with the scientific discoveries of the past. With each new discoveries, people were given new perspectives to examine the world around, and in turn, look at themselves. The Transcendentalists, such as Emerson and Thoreau, championed the idea that happiness is within and dependent on self-realization. The individual is the center of the spiritual universe. You are a part of nature and not separated from it. You already know God. Creator, creation and humanity are parts of one another. This is the New Age. The Spiritualists and Theosophists brought in teachings from the East. Reincarnation, karma, inner micro-cosm reflecting outer macro-cosm, contacting the other world through various means, etc. have the underlying theme: inter-connectedness. We are not alone. Aliens are out there watching us. The departed souls are all around us or in some realms of existence. Love goes on and on, just like the theme song from “Titanic”, “My heart will go on…” Even the current global warming echoes this inter-relatedness idea. Actions from men, nations have consequences beyond themselves. We cannot control the world or nature.

God, human love, divine love mean different things to different religions, cultures and individuals. For the Jewish people, God had made a covenant with them and they are the chosen people. It was significant that God traveled with them to the promised land, that God offered protection, but also punished them when they did not follow the Law. For the Jews, the community is responsible for salvation. Rewards and punishments are here and now, not in the afterlife. Your body is a part of redemption, so sexuality is perfectly fine. The Muslims also feel that the body is a part of redemption. Muslim men and women do not have equality. Yet, during the time of the prophet Muhammad, women were protected by many laws regarding family, property, and marriage. As a matter of fact, his wife proposed marriage to him! Both Judaism and Islam put the emphasis on works, good deeds. Christianity, however, puts the emphasis on faith. Christians await the rewards or punishments in heaven or hell. Historically, the body harbors seeds of corruption and impedes faith. Thus, sexuality is something to be conquered, suppressed. The individual is responsible for his/her salvation, not the community. Muslims traditionally recognized Jews and Christians as the people of the Book. All three religions worship the One God.

Hinduism has many gods and goddesses. Shiva, Vishnu and Brahma are the three major deities. The religious practices include paying respect and attention to the deity of your choice through the statue. This does not mean, however, that a Hindu believes that the statue is a god or goddess. For example, a statue could be made for a certain village ceremony, the spirit is then invoked to reside in the statue for the time needed, then after the ceremony, the statue can be destroyed. Hindus are concerned with religious experiences and discipline. Their festivals are quite elaborate and colorful. There are three paths that a Hindu can follow: the path of devotion, the way of action, and the way of knowledge. Gurus take on disciples to teach techniques aimed to control the mind and body.

Buddhism started with Siddhartha Gautama (563?-483?B.C.E.). He was not considered to be a God or a prophet, but rather as an example of how to live. Buddhism stresses religious knowledge and the importance of spiritual insight. Unlike other religions, you can only achieve enlightenment through the emptying of the mind, not through studying the texts. The Four Noble Truths taught by the Buddha sound simple enough. Suffering has a cause. The cause is desire. To end suffering, you have to end all desires. Follow the Middle Path and nonattachment to things, people, places. The moment you realize all four, you enter nirvana. As with other religions, Buddhism has developed into different branches with each having an emphasis on a particular feature.

Mysticism or Transcendentalism concentrate on experiences with the Divine, either through meditation, fasting, sleep deprivation, pain or drugs. Most major religions have sects that deal with mysticism, such as the Sufi Muslims, Kabbalah of Judaism. The mystics are often misunderstood because of the limitation of words. How can you describe your mystical experiences with just mere words? Also, it can be quite dangerous when someone says, for instance, ” I’m feeling as if I’m one with God”. The losing of oneself in God is mysticism. But people may ask, “Are you saying that you are God?”.

The idea about God and the relationship with God have changed throughout the centuries. We can even remove God from our human experiences with science and logic. Love and the relationships between the sexes have also changed since the time of our hunter-gatherer ancestors. Now, it’s enough to love yourself and live to your fullest potential. Who knows what new forms of love and religions we might have in the future.

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